In the Mud

Whoa. I feel a laziness hangover this morning. Yesterday was Fourth of July, and productivity alluded me in every way.

You may be thinking, "Well, of course. It's a national holiday! A day for grilling out with family and friends, relaxing, and fireworks!" But we didn't do that.

We chose to spend the day at home. Michael is feeling the pressure of an unfinished house. Now that we've ordered the crib and a rug and bought an incredibly sweet rocking chair, he's eager to finish the basement so that we can move the guest room down there and begin using the old guest room/soon-to-be nursery to store these things. He wanted to use the day off from work to make some progress. He is amazing.

While he was busy working, I decided I wanted to crochet a bit. (Yes! Do something!) And I did for a little while. It was really nice. But then I began to get tired. And then bored. I would occasionally wonder downstairs to see what Michael was up to. Made myself a little bite to eat. Tried to crochet some more.

Then we made a quick run for lunch and some supplies. Michael needed more 2x4s, and it was fun tagging along.

And then I did absolutely nothing. Maybe I crocheted half a row, and then I was just done with everything. I sat on the couch, fell asleep for a bit, pet the cat and dog, and just let the laziness take over. I'm not sure if it's baby girl (pregnancy fatigue has actually improved a lot since entering the second trimester!) or if it's this unbelievable heat. But I just felt gluttonous and unable to move. For nearly 8 hours (minus bathroom breaks), I stayed on that couch like it was another part of my body.

And now, I woke up this morning with anxiety about the tasks undone. That blanket I'm "crocheting" - will it ever be finished? What about the dishes overflowing in the sink? What about the work emails piling up with requests? What about all the unwritten manuscripts that have been sitting for months? What about the garden, with weeds quickly overpowering everything of value? AHHH.

Even more than anxiety or guilt, I honestly feel embarrassment this morning. I'm not sure why, but this pregnancy has filled me with a lack of motivation. For everything. And that state of being is embarrassing to me. Here's to hoping it's hormones and not permanent.